The Amanda Conspiracy

When I was living at the McMillan's house, I realized what was named by Dave, 'The Amanda Conspiracy." This consisted of a pitcher with water and ice. It doesn't sound so intriguing or dangerous, but for some unexplainable reason, these elements combined to create a very upsetting phenomenon. EVERY time that I would pour a glass of water, the ice that had been trapped in the pitcher behind that little spout, would somehow break lose at the very moment that my glass was just about full. This would create a sudden and rushing waterfall into an already full glass. Water would go everywhere and I would then be searching for a change of clothes. As cautious as I got, I could not avoid it. This went on for years until now, I refuse to use pitchers like that, or ice goes in the glass first!
Well, I have rid myself of that conspiracy, but I feel that Max is working on a new one to keep me alert and on my toes. I know that I have previously mentioned that my dog is wonderful and I adore him, etc. These loving feelings frequently flee as I am faced with a VERY naughty puppy.
The other night I came home with just enough time to fix dinner before the Sister Missionaries were to arrive at 6pm. So, I open the door, with arms full of groceries only to smell the most unmistakable odor in the universe! DOG POOP! Yep, you guessed it, Max had once again pooped in his kennel. He has been housetrained for a long time now, but as you all know, he has been a little 'runny' lately. Sorry about that, but that kind of poop is so much more difficult and disgusting to clean up than just regular ole' poop. So, I am racing around the house, kicking the dog (just kidding, even though I wanted to), trying to clean and get dinner on!
Now, come with me to my lovely bathroom where I am this morning washing my hands as I prepare to go down and meet my Visiting Teachers who are coming over for a little chat. Max was upstairs and wandering in and out of the bedroom. I didn't realize he was standing by my side until.....I felt something on my pant leg. I looked down and to my HORROR I see my dog lifting his leg and PEEING on MY LEG!!!!!
I don't even know what to say here, because I know that you are all just laughing in your seats at this very moment. So, I'll give you a second to compose yourselves and gain a little compassion and empathy. ....... another second?.......Okay. Back with me now? Yes, that is right, my dog that I love very much and feed daily, pet and take out, buy cute toys for at Petsmart, PEED ON MY LEG! 5 seconds after changing my pants, my brand new VTers come to the door with smiles, wanting to know how I am doing!!
So, I am realizing that I no longer can have visitors from church over at the house. Somehow Max senses that they are coming and decides to ruin my life. Is there really any other way to view this?
John thinks that because I am nice to him that he is marking his territory. Maybe I shouldn't be so nice. He also said that the internet article he read said that when that happens you shouldn't get mad because it is hardwired into their brains to mark! I am going to hardwire him in a very different way if he continues to pee on me! And how exactly are you supposed to not get mad? It was also suggested to me that perhaps, since he has never peed by lifting his leg before (he always just squats) that he was trying to do one of those 'Look Mom what I can do now' things.
Either way, he is not on the list of my favorite things today!
Anyone looking for a new dog?